The Blitz

The decision was made for the first time ever to give this a try. What could it possibly hurt? My mom has been looking for a laptop for awhile and who are we bothering by trying to get one on sale? We set our alarms for 4:00, considering that we only live a 1/2 block away from our nearest Wal-Mart Supercenter. I am pretty excited at this point because

(All right. Venting break. I just accidentally erased this post when I was about two sentences away from ending it. So now if this post sounds forced or awkward, it's because I am trying to re-create what was a pretty good of my account, but now I have The Rage working in me, so I don't know that it will come off in the way I would like it to. Sorry.)

there is something uniquely spicy about waking up in the remaining witching hours to go shopping. I was more restless than I am the night before Christmas. At least then you know your Christmas presents are waiting under the tree, unlike now, where who knows what we could end the day with? There's a soothsayer in my story, just like in the old Greek tragedies, that warns us that our journey may not end as we expected. As a former Wal-Mart employee of 20 years, she warns us that people usually start lining up at midnight to get this stuff. We spit on her midnight.

We woke up at 4:00 as planned, we drove the 1/2 block to the store and the parking lot was full. Not middle of the day full, but I am surprised we are vying for a spot, full. Look, I am getting ready to say something that I won't ever say again, but when we got to Wal-Mart and found our places in line, it looked like Red-Neck-Homa, which consequently normally gets on my last nerves when people make fun of our state because it has so much more than ignorant people...All that being ranted, Every Tom, Dick, and Cletus were out in line. Apparently, they thought that there was no way they could get sales from their local Wal-Marts, and so they made the trek to the city to get the goods. There was a woman in line behind us that had teeth like the Grinch (see above). I swear there were maggots and mold forming and crawling in between her teeth. After checking for my scar (see MISSING?!?) I found out from her that there were only 15 laptops. What?!? Why in the name of Davey Jones' locker didn't I see this one coming? I know that I am inexperienced in the ways of blitzes, but c'mon. Fifteen?!? I thought maybe they'd only have 100 or something, but not 15! How naive. At this point, the veterans of this little sport let me know that apparently I definitely needed to get my info straight before venturing out because last year one of the Best Buys had the same kind of deal and there were only 5 laptops. 5. Now I feel asinine to be up so early. Now there's nothing to be gained. And I won't even go into how painful it was to wait for the next hour to reach the point in the line where they started turning us away because they were sold out. To read more about my experience, see: Shopping Frenzy.

In the end, Target and Bath and Body Works produced some pretty sweet sales that we loved taking advantage of. And I really do think that I would wake up that early again, but that's only because I love watching people trying to control chaos. It reminds me that we are only as civilized as we tell each other we are. In the end, we are still animals and killers. Except now, instead of fighting over territory, we fight over toys. And we still fight for territory. Wait. Where am I going with this? Yeah, it was fun. I think. People are nuts. But I'll still defend our crazy ways to the bitter end, so bring your cynical comments about the destruction of Christmas, or about how bad it is that people fight each other, I'm Ready.